The New Normal

Old: If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door.

New: Make shoddy mousetraps with inferior parts and non-unionized illegal immigrant labor. Due to the anti-mousite discriminatory practices of your industry, the race-baiting reverend shakes down your firm for a “contribution” to a charity which he just so happens to run. In exchange, the reverend provides you the political connections to overbid for a lucrative contract with the city. In exchange for that, you hire the senator’s wife as your Chief Diversity Officer with a hugely inflated salary and minimal responsibilities. The senator then pushes for two bills: the first requires do-nothing certification for the entire mouse trap industry thereby raising the cost of entry and protecting you; and the second mandates “approved” mousetraps in all residential buildings (we’re told this will somehow “protect our children”). Once the recession comes, your firm receives bailout funds from the Treasury’s MARP program which was designed by the Treasury Secretary who just so happens to be your former chairman. Congress also limits the liability of a class actions suit brought by mice severally impaired by your product (60 Minutes did a thing…they filmed you slamming the door on Morley). Finally, you’re able to get 0% financing through the Federal Reserve whose stock you just so happen to own.

Posted by on October 18th, 2010 at 1:47 pm


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